“Unfit for travel”—certainly NOT the words I wanted to hear a day before my final speaking engagements in Kuala Lumpur. Yet that is exactly what I heard from a respiratory specialist telling me I’d contracted two “lethal bugs” while in Singapore. Even more unthinkable? Cancelling my “bucket list” of fulfilling a China vacation and Yangtze River Cruise. A bit curious about all the fuss of whether or not I was fit to fly, I was reminded that travel to and from Malaysia was shut down 10 years ago because of SARS. Their entire economy took a significant hit because of an infectious disease and their sensitivity to me travelling was starting to make sense. (At that point I needed reasons and logic vs. admitting frailty—a “no no” for any decent self-sacrificing overachiever.)
“No… you do not understand” I pleaded to Dr. Amy that I needed a miracle. In a kind voice she said “By the time patients see me, that is what they all ask for. I will do my best, but you are unfit to travel and others around you are currently at risk.”
At that moment I experienced a perplexing combination of emotions–disappointment and relief. Disappointment that my habit of sacrificing my well-being for the sake of commitments to others was not being accepted in any fashion. Unfit is unfit. True is true. Relief? I admitted I was quite ill. My familiar “pushing through” started sounding like a dumb idea. (At one point I imagined me going to China anyway and being stuck in our lovely hotel in Beijing, with the tours going on without me. An expensive and truly dumb way of being right!)
Sigh… my over-doing habit was popping up in front of me. Thank goodness I had spent the last week presenting to different audiences on emotional agility. I found it impossible NOT to take my own philosophy to heart.
The doctor spent almost two hours with me coordinating all the necessary tests to confirm diagnosis. I felt so listened to and taken care of–So different from the ten minute HMO time limits here in the States. So I left the doctor’s office with the necessary pharmaceuticals for mycoplasma, acute bronchitis and, thankfully, not pneumonia which would have put me in the hospital.
On my next visit, I asked Dr. Amy why she didn’t get sick when she was constantly surrounded by patients with infectious respiratory disease? “I don’t really know” was her answer. She added, “However, if I feel the slightest illness on my part, I close my clinic. It is not worth it for me to be ill and treat patients.” Her simple clarity was very appealing. No wonder she was fully present and passionate as she did her work. She actively took care of her well-being which in turn took care of her patients. I followed her instructions to the letter to get what I wanted–which was to fly home at the earliest possible time. SUCCESS! It’s good to be home.
LESSON LEARNED: We have a great deal of influence over our health and well-being. On this trip I visited a very different level of acceptance and a more genuine self-care. I felt a lovely sense of graciousness by accepting being ill vs. resisting it as if one shouldn’t be or should be above it or worse yet should push through at all costs. There are indeed costs that are too high. Now home, I find joy with the work I was able to do with the 300 people who learned about emotional agility. I am also quite peaceful with the missed vacation. China is still there! WOW…Unfulfilled expectations and interrupted plans can indeed SAVE OUR INNER TORTOISE!
