Talk about perfect timing…while looking for blog topics I found this quote sent to me by a member of the SYIT (Save Your Inner Tortoise) Club– so named for those of us reshaping our wise inner tortoises as life proceeds.
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.
If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” Goethe
Let me share my SYIT journey when the proof of my book arrived:
On our walk my husband and I saw the UPS truck and asked the driver if he had a package for us. “Yes indeed.” was his response. As he was looking for it, I felt anticipation (I was expecting the long delayed book.) and when I saw the package tears came forth. Truth be told they were not tears of joy or pride after reaching such a milestone. I flushed with fear so much so that I couldn’t even take the package from the driver. I asked Paul to carry it. At home I had to calm myself with deep breaths just to open the package. My emotional roller coaster continued. Fear (Was it finally right?); Wonder (Did I like it?); Joy (I did it…I finally did it.) And then the torturing myself began in earnest. (Oh no… this means it has to go out to a wide audience who will judge me. My friends and colleagues who’ve been waiting for the book will finally see it. Will they be disappointed? I am sure they will be disappointed. Who do I think I am writing a book in the first place. I should go hide in a cave. Etc. Etc. Etc.) Are you familiar with this type of self-doubt and “awfulizing”? Back at my desk, the Goethe quote arrived in my In-Box. WOW… What a good reminder that it is indeed me who possesses tremendous power to make my life miserable or joyous. I was certainly favoring the miserable path with all my second guessing.
And then there it was… my choice between suffering or happiness. I could take my own SYIT advice–or not.
To be honest… the “or not” comes from REALLY liking being RIGHT. However, I am liking contentment more and more these days. Sooooooo, I opted for relief and release of the fretting.
Here’s how this works…First I interrupted the negative self talk with frequent deep breaths. Next, I made a small ceremony of setting the book aside leaving the final approval to the publisher for the next day. I continued to interrupt my old way of being grumpy with what I know brings me ease… conversations with my mastermind partners and my hubby. With them I can be fully honest eventhough I have some skills in pretending to be OK when I am not. Thankfully, with their encouragement, I trusted my emotional agility instincts to respect the fear and be more truthful with my emotional self. So I actively listened to and felt whatever came with seeing the book. Turns out it wasn’t the book itself. It was the future of what to do with the book that enlivened the fear. I knew it was time to make more public my work with emotional agility strategies. Yes indeed it would be judged. Whether received positively or negatively, it is MY book. (More breathing) If I truly believe in the value of emotional agility, then it is me who must stand for it. (More breathing.)
Might you be torturing yourself too much for your well-being?
Might you be torturing others too much for their well-being?
If so… consider the Carol’s Coaching Corner (in the light purple box to the right of the text above.
